Review of Students

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June 23, 2007

Dear Suzanne,

The Computer Science faculty regularly reviews the progress of all graduate students . . . on a semiannual basis. The objects of this review process is to evaluate whether students are making progress towards their degree . . .

In the Spring 2007 review, the faculty have determined that you are making satisfactory progress toward the PhD in Computer Science. Your goals for this term were to improve your grades, pass qualifiers, and to get more involved in research projects. You have done all of these. You have contributed to two research projects. You have presented a paper at a local student conference. Congratulations on your appointment as a Master TA. Consider aiming for a career in education. Your colloquium attendance has been good. The goals for the coming term are for you to establish your thesis project, to give a poster at a national or international conference, and to pass your remaining qualifiers. Good job so far.

Sincerely,
*name ommitted here*
Department Chair
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I just stared at the letter. They're happy with me... I'm not a failure. "You have done all of these... Congratulations on your appointment as a Master TA... Good job so far" I just continued staring at the letter in shocked and silent gratefulness, as I absentmindedly tried to open my office door with my home key, a mistake that I tend to make most every day. In a daze, I came back and sat by my computer.

After some seriously low points this summer, including much stress associated with my summer research and studying for my last two remaining qualifiers, this letter was really heartening. I've felt like such a failure this summer; After a major error surfaced recently in my research, resulting in me having to throw away a significant portion of my results and my analysis out the window, and having some incredible difficulties with studying for one of my qualifiers, nothing I did was enough. Taking breaks have turned into mild anxiety attacks, since I rarely feel what I've accomplished is deserving of them. Also, this week has seen a huge divergence from my usual productivity, causing me to feel like I'm in the middle of a hazy sea with no rudder, oar or sail.

It's nice when people believe in you, and even nicer hearing about it. "Consider pursuing a career in education..." I've been thinking more and more about becoming a teaching professor, mainly due to the great flexibility it offers. It's nice to hear that my department doesn't think I'm a failure (and I daresay seems happy with me), even when I feel so convinced that I am.

I should be studying for my quals. I'm where I need to be with them right now. Pushing myself hard right now, however, seems very dangerous. I'm thinking about trying to relax as much as possible, and hope that this bad streak passes, and soon. But is that a good idea? Do I deserve it? I did some more review for only one of my quals today, and now I believe there is only one question left on it that remains to be answered. As far as my other qual goes, I've answered almost 60% of the questions; I still need to do some reading up on lazy evaluation and exception handling, and it may be worth it to just to read some more of the text, just so I can gain that casual confidence that is so essential to passing this qualifier.

Do I deserve a break? What have I done to deserve a break? What have I done to deserve anything good? I'm thinking about heading home. The computer is just being a drain on my productivity. But I'll take my programming languages text with me . Yes. I'll exercise, take a nice hot shower, do a little cleaning, and then curl up with my textbook.

I hate not being productive... here's hoping that this bad streak ends soon.

Revival

So, one of my friends, Craig, is the web-developer for this site: Jewcy.

I read a few articles there today, and I have to say, I'm definitely impressed. Not to say a bit curious about Scott Korb.

Check it out, if you have the time.

Also, this is freakin' hilarious.

Going off to see the new Harry Potter movie.

Power Outages and such fun

So Troy has been hit by a supreme power outage. I'm writing this as quickly as I can, because I have no idea how much longer I will have power, before I lose it again.

There have been some powerful storms sweeping the area as of late; people are blaming them for the massive power outage that is taking place, which is affecting areas as far as Latham. While it's only 4 in the afternoon, I'm wondering if it would be wise to prepare dinner now, since I may not be able to in a few hours.

Summer is going well. Lots of work to do! More of an update when I actually have some spare time.

Later.
-Suzanne